Ex-US Army 5-star General Johnny B. Zting, the son of the infamously eccentric Frankie X. Zting and Betty G. Zting, had seen enough of the world’s quarrels during his tenure in the US Army. Every night, he’d lay in his army-issue cot, dreaming of a world where wars were fought not with bullets, but with words. And perhaps the occasional head-bonk to get the attention of the more stubborn adversaries.

When he finally hung up his uniform for good, Johnny B. bought up Serenity Shellshock Ranch in the World Wild West town of San Siesta, where tumbleweeds rolled at a leisurely pace and the sun dozed off for an afternoon siesta. It was here that he decided to launch his grand endeavor – the Zting Army.

The Zting Army was not your ordinary military force. No, it was an army that fought not on battlefields but in the realms of conversation, debate, and hilarious punchlines. Johnny envisioned his soldiers armed not with rifles, but with sharp wits and tongues, ready to unleash a torrent of persuasive arguments and biting sarcasm on their adversaries.

Recruitment posters around San Siesta read, “Join the Zting Army: No push-ups, only put-downs!” Johnny would stand in the town square, donning his general’s Zting hat, a thesaurus in one hand and a rubber mallet in the other (for those needing a bit more ‘persuasion’ to see reason). He’d shout, “Why drop bombs when you can drop punch….lines!”

Training in the Zting Army was unlike anything seen before. Instead of obstacle courses and target practice, recruits would engage in intense rap battles and debate drills. Johnny himself, a master of the well-timed retort, would often spar with his soldiers in verbal showdowns that would leave spectators in stitches.

However, the Zting Army’s unique approach to conflict resolution didn’t come without its challenges. Johnny often found himself having to bonk some hard-headed outlaws with his rubber mallet to ‘encourage’ them to engage in dialogue instead of resorting to their six-shooters. The sight of the ex-US general chasing down outlaws while brandishing a thesaurus and a rubber mallet quickly became one of San Siesta’s most cherished sights.

Johnny B. Zting, with his unorthodox approach to peacekeeping, became a living legend in San Siesta. He showed that disagreements could be settled not through violence, but through the power of words. And except for the occasional, well-placed bonk on the head, all in self-defense, his legacy was one of laughter, wisdom, and the firm belief that the pen, or in this case, the spoken word, was mightier than the sword.